Chapter 1
She had never seen him look quite so rigid; had never seen his jaw set more fiercely in concentration. He was thinking – deep, tortured thoughts - and she knew exactly what they were about.
“You’re upset,” Reese said plainly as the limo coasted along the harbor.
Sonny didn’t speak at first. She knew he was searching for the right thing to say but that the words failed him. This probably didn’t feel very natural to him. They had gone to that appointment expecting good news, expecting to hear that their son was faring well – that he was perfect and healthy as they had imagined him to be. This was an upset neither had been expecting or planning on. But Reese could take it in stride; she would love their son no matter what.
Could Sonny say the same?
“You don’t have to deny it, Sonny,” Reese said. “Your world has been rocked. I get it. Mine has too – it’s just-“
“Just what?”
“He’s still the baby boy I fell in love with,” Reese said, lightly cupping her ever-expanding belly. “He’s still the product of a dream I’ve nurtured in my heart for years – that I would have another child after…” She paused. Sometimes it was still so hard to say his name. “After Jamie... Nothing in hindsight has really changed.”
“Are you kidding me?” Sonny asked, finally looking at Reese. “Everything has changed.”
Reese felt a big lump form in her throat. “Why – because our son will have special needs? So what.”
“Special needs,” Sonny sniffed. “Is that what you’re calling what he has?”
“Yes!”
“People are going to be cruel to him; taunt him; ostracize him,” Sonny said. “Life is not going to be easy for him.”
“So we’ll be there, as his parents, to soften those blows.”
“We can’t always do that.”
“But we can damn well try. What are you trying to say anyway?” Reese asked. "That because our baby has Down syndrome –“
“He’s retarded, Reese!” Sonny hollered. “Let’s call a spade a spade here.”
Reese recoiled in horror. “That’s not-“
“That’s what people are going to call him. Retarded, dumb, slow, stupid, messed up-“
“So what? We’ll-“
“Protect him, yeah. What if we can’t always do that?”
“Can you always protect your other kids when they are hurt? No, but you do your damndest to make up for what you can’t do. You just be there for them, talk to them, hold them, nurture them-“
“Reese, are you saying this doesn’t bother you at all? This kid is going to be different.”
“You say that like it’s a bad thing.”
“Reese…”
“Sonny, I’ll be honest. When Dr. Lee first gave us the results… I was shocked, I was upset, and I was scared… But I realized it doesn’t change how I feel about this baby ultimately. We loved him before we learned he was special; what’s to change our minds now? He is still going to be amazing, I know it.”
“I don’t know.”
“Don’t know what?”
“If I’ll ever get used to this,” Sonny said. “This is not what I signed up for.”
Reese felt the breathe steal from her lungs. For a moment, she just sat there staring at him in surprise, horror even. Forcing air into her lungs, she sputtered, "What are you saying? That – that suddenly you don’t want this baby?”
Sonny stared straight ahead. “I don’t know what it means.”
“If you’re asking me to –“ She couldn’t say it but she had to. “If you’re asking me to end this pregnancy, Sonny, you can go to fucking hell!”
Sonny turned blazing eyes on her. “Excuse me?”
“You heard me, Sonny. This baby isn’t going anywhere. He will be loved by me – if not by you too.” She pounded on the intercom button.
“What are you doing?”
She ignored him. If she didn’t, she was going to pound on him. She had never been a violent person but this situation threw her for a giant loop. “Max, Max, stop the car,” she said into the intercom.
“Reese –“ Sonny started, reaching for her hand. She yanked away like his touch had scalded her.
“Max, stop the car!” She commanded.
“Max, don’t,” Sonny returned.
“Do it, Max!” Reese shouted.
“Max, who pays your salary?” Sonny said. “Don’t stop the car.”
“Stop the car or else,” Reese said.
“Or else what?” Sonny asked.
“Or else I am walking away the first chance I get, Sonny, and you can kiss me and this baby goodbye. Of course you’d probably like to do that, right? Because he’s not ‘perfect’ in your eyes.”
“Don’t put words in my mouth!”
“Tell Max to stop the car, Sonny. I don’t want to look at you right now.”
“Fine!” Sonny snapped. He pounded on the partition, loudly shouting, “Max, stop the limo for the lady.”
Reese shook her head as the limo slowed to a stop. Had she ever really known Sonny at all? Everyone and their dog had warned her away from him but she had gone and fallen for him and now she was wondering if everything people said about him being ruthless, cold and uncaring was the truth.
Tears burned her eyes but she just kicked open the door as it pulled to a stop at the curb. She didn’t look at Sonny and he didn’t speak to her, didn’t call to her, didn’t say he’d made a horrible mistake, as she climbed out of the limo.
She slammed the door loudly and then took off on foot towards the park. She heard the engine rev behind her and then Max was peeling away.
Tears continued to threaten as she wound her way to the park. She found herself sitting on a bench watching children – children considered “normal” and “healthy” – playing on the slides and digging in the sandbox. Would her son ever be able to do those things too? God willing because she loved him already. So, so much. She would have to love him even more because Sonny might never be able to.
That morose thought brought the tears finally and she was sitting there quietly crying until she heard a familiar voice at her side. “Reese? Reese, are you alright?”
Through her tears, she could now make out Ric standing there, holding the hand of his little stepdaughter Kristina. Kristina was also Reese’s little boy’s half-sister. Sonny loved Kristina, talked about her a lot, visited her whenever Alexis would allow, and why? Because she was perfect in his eyes.
“Reese?” Ric prompted again.
Reese swiped at her eyes. “I’ll be alright.”
Ric knelt down to face Kristina. “Honey, why don’t you play in the sandbox while I talk to your stepmom?”
“Okay,” Kristina said. She gave them both a smile and a wave before running for the sandbox on chubby little legs.
Ric slid onto the bench beside Reese. “So what’s wrong? And don’t tell me nothing because I like to think I know you better than that.”
“Did the near sobbing give me away?” Reese asked. She splayed her hands over her full belly. “Sonny-“
“I had a feeling he was involved.” Ric rolled his eyes. “What did he do now?”
“It’s what he can’t do that’s upsetting me.”
“What?”
“I don’t think Sonny will ever be able to love this baby,” Reese said. “Not truly.”
“Why not? Because he’s too selfish and arrogant and –“
“Ric!”
“Fine, I’ll stop. But seriously what happened? You told me a few days ago that Sonny was excited for this baby.”
“He was.”
“Until…”
“Until a little thing called Down syndrome happened.”
“Your baby-“
Reese nodded. “Are you horrified too?”
“Yes but not about the baby. No, at my brother dear’s total lack of feeling. I mean I shouldn’t be surprised but to not love your own child… Are you sure?”
“I don’t know. Maybe he just needs time here but until he figures out what he wants I don’t think I want to see him.”
“That’s fair enough.”
“Is it?”
“Yes, it’s more than he deserves.”
“Ric…”
“Sorry old habit. But you and your baby deserve better than this. And I will personally make sure you two are alright – hell, better than alright.”
TO BE CONTINUED. Angsty huh?! We'll see if Sonny can redeem himself at some point.
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